Dating and Relationships - Atlanta Style

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Fifteen

2006-05-26T12:43:00.000-07:00

Welcome back!!! Let's finish off the list.

8. Wow him with a weekend camping and fishing trip. He will forever be indebted to you. What type of lady organizes a three-day camping trip in the wilderness with her baby? You do! It won't be as bad as you think it'll be. Let's do some visualization. Imagine the earthy strong scent of pine, the fresh clean morning air brushing over your body, and the warm glow from the campfire illuminating your honey's gorgeous face. Now are you ready to go? Visit your local department store where you have all the items you'll need at your fingertips. A sleeping bag for two, a tent, lanterns, grill, and fishing poles. If this is too much work, rent a cabin just for the two of you. Spend the time getting back to nature. Take nature walks along the trail or wake up at sunrise for some early morning fishing. Take time to enjoy the unobstructed view of the sky. Have a contest with each other to see who can identify the most constellations, with the loser giving the winner a full-body massage.

9. Workout together. Seeing you in a lycra sports bra and body hugging shorts while heaving and sweating, will be a big turn-on for him. The health benefits of exercise are well-known—stronger heart, lower cholesterol, increased muscle mass, etc. Why not share this with your man? Spend time at the gym working on strengthening your heart and increasing your muscle mass. Warm up together with some body touching stretches. Grab his hand and let your bodies meet in synchronized fluid movements.

10. Indulge him with a facial, treat him to the full treatment. To a number of men, particularly Black men, their face is a source of contention. They have to deal with dry ashy skin, ingrown hair, or acne. To prepare him for this decadent treat, turn down the lights, turn on the answering machine, and send the kids away for a couple of hours, tell them that mommy and daddy need to spend some private time with each other. Set the backdrop with soul soothing votive candles, mellow music, and spirit enriching incense. Start by cleaning his face of the day's grime and stress with a deep cleansing face cream, using slow circular strokes. Depending on the condition of his skin you can do one of the following. Surprise him with a clay mask that will pull out any remaining impurities, leaving behind baby-soft skin. Or you may want to apply a peel-off mask to pull out the contaminants and slough off any dead skin. Top it off with running a cotton ball soaked in astringent over his face to tighten his pores. Finish his facial with a moisturizing facial cream tenderly applied to his face.

11. Thank him! Yes, thank him. Thank him for taking out the garbage without being told. Thank him for fixing that leaky faucet. Thank him for filling the car up with gas and getting the oil changed. Thank him for hitting that squeaky spot on the door with a dab of W-D40. Men do these things to show us that they care. It's their way of being our protector, our provider, our man. So instead of taking it for granted that he should be doing all the above, don't, just thank him.

Don't forget who's just as important in this equation. You! Yes, you want to make sure that your honey is happy, but at the same time, you've got to be mentally and spiritually balanced. Here are some activities that you can do when you find yourself feeling a little overwhelmed.

Come back next week and we'll talk about some relaxing activities for the ladies.

See ya!

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Fourteen

2006-05-10T13:14:00.000-07:00

Welcome back. Let's continue.

4. If the image of him sleeping peacefully beside you flits through your mind like a soft caress, pick up the phone or lean over to him and whisper it to him in his ear.

5. Bathe him. That's right, give your man a bath. I'm not talking about a full-body scrub down. I mean a loving, soul cleansing bath. There's no better way to show your man your love for him than by giving him a little tender care. Let your hands roam over his body as you wash away his anxieties while he languishes in scented water in a tub surrounded with soothing scented candles.

6. Sweep him off his feet. Steal him away to a posh hotel for a weekend of romance, soul enrichment, and culinary delights. Pack a bag of clothes for both of you, pick him up at work Friday night, and surprise him with your plans. Spend the weekend being his freak mama, rejuvenating your spirit, or simply holding each other.

7. We all know how good we feel when we receive flowers unexpectedly at work. Our heartstrings are tugged hard at knowing that our man actually picked out the flowers himself and had them sent to us. To women, it's a public declaration of his love. You do the same for him. It doesn't have to be a special occasion. Do it just because______________. You fill in the blank. Believe it or not, men do like to receive flowers. Blow him away by having a gorgeous arrangement delivered to his job. If you think that he might be a little embarrassed by receiving flowers at work, have them waiting for him when he gets home after a hard day of work. Be sure to send him flowers that scream virility. I bet you're wondering, how can flowers be masculine? Well, you don't want to send him a bouquet of baby girl pink carnations. Some flowers exude masculinity, red roses do. Picture a rose. Solid elongated blooms sitting atop long thick and thorny stems, this radiates strength. This is just one, there are dozens more. Take your time to visit a reputable florist, don't be afraid to mix and match different flowers to create the arrangement that you want.

See you next week!
Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Thirteen

2006-04-27T07:25:00.000-07:00

I'm back. I had to take a little hiatus. I've been busy putting the finishing touches on my new novel, Cruising, which is scheduled to be released in September 2006. And I completed another novel 1920 Peachtree.

So enough with all that, let's delve right in.

It’s crucial that you talk to your man to find out what's causing his inability to make love to you. The first thing you need to do is to get out of the bed! You hear me? I'll repeat it. Get out of the bed! Better yet, get out of the bedroom! You want to move to a neutral area where he won't feel like you're blaming him or attacking his manhood. Move into the living room and talk. Ask him what's wrong. He may or may not want to talk at this point. He may be too embarrassed. Don't press him. Let him know that you're there for him. He'll appreciate the fact that you didn't emasculate him. If the problem persists, don't overlook the fact that it may be a physiological problem. Consult your personal physician who might be able to treat him, if not, he'll refer him on to a specialist. Stay with your baby and work through this crisis with him.

Other sure fire tips to keep him feeling loved, cherished, and appreciated.

1. Compliment him daily. Remember, everybody loves praise. Men are no exception. Be sure to do it daily, don't do it so much that he thinks he's all that. But do it enough to let him know that you appreciate him. Your compliment could be something as small as how the color of his shirt flatters his skin or how good his pants look with his shirt. I know this sounds basic, but just remember how good you felt when someone paid you a compliment when you least expected it.

2. Make a concerted effort to talk to your significant other. On weekdays you find yourself running to pick up the kids from daycare, rushing to fix dinner, and hurrying to get that extra load of laundry done. And during all this, the nagging thought in the back of your mind is to talk with your honey. But by the time you're finished with everything you had to do, you're tired, he's groggy and the only thing that you two are going to do is hit the sheets. No, not for lovemaking, but sleep. Let's try to break this cycle. As soon as you get home, take a deep cleansing breath, ignore the mess, ignore the fact that you have to cook dinner for your hungry brood. Spend twenty minutes of downtime with your sweetie. Isn't realistic? Okay, let's try this. Have your honey join you in the kitchen and help you prepare dinner. This will give you two some much needed time to talk about each other's day and just simply enjoy each other's company.

3. Make a date with your guy. Pencil him in for lunch. Stop, I saw that frown. Yes, make a date with your man. It's not as planned or unromantic as it sounds. With the merry-go-round that everyone is on nowadays, it's imperative that you schedule time with your man. You take control of the situation. The goal is for you two to spend quality time with each other. While you're on this date, any talk about work, family, children, or current events is forbidden. The purpose here is to re-connect and seduce each other.

See you next week!

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Twelve

2006-03-10T06:20:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you don't have to go far for a romantic interlude. For some of you, it might be a few steps down into your basement. Remember that old sleeper sofa that you bought for overnight guests, but found that it didn't match your decor and you stuck it in the basement? Hmm, suckie suckie now. You get it? Launch a sneak attack. Catch him while he's taking a shower when he's probably in his most relaxed state. Let the shower be your own tropical waterfall while warm, sparkling, clear water cascade over your nude bodies. Get down and dirty with foreplay. Use a loofah soaked with bath gel to electrify his body parts. Be careful! Making love in the shower calls for some tricky maneuvering. You don't want your family talking about the time you and your honey were rushed to the hospital because of injuries sustained in a shower accident.

What do you do when you want to please your man, and he can't um, you know? Picture this. A romantic candle light dinner for two, an evening of slow, sensuous dancing, and a blood boiling full-body massage while he feeds you chocolate-covered strawberries. Girl, you just know that tonight he's going to give it to you really good. He undresses, flexes the pecs, slides next to you, and peppers your body with kisses. You're hot, you're ready, you look down and find out that somebody called time out and didn't even tell you. Brother man is limp as a noodle. Fight back the urge to ask him, "What the #@#@ is going on!" Resorting to profanity, anger, or pettiness won't solve anything. It might make you feel a little better. But let's be considerate of his feelings. Swallow that anger, and at this point frustration, look up at him adoringly and ask, "What's going on?" You really want to please him, but it just ain't happening.

His response may hinge on where you're at in the relationship. If this is your first time together, it may be a case of performance anxiety. First time jitters. Believe it or not, men do get nervous. Or maybe the brother liked you with all your clothes on, but when he got them off, it wasn't what he expected. Don't get mad, don't get hurt, it happens. It's his problem, NOT yours. Of course, he'll never admit to it, he'll just say that he's tired, roll over, and fall asleep. If you and your man have been together for a while and have never experienced this problem before, he may be suffering from stress.

See you next week.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Eleven

2006-02-28T05:23:00.000-08:00

I have an exercise for you. Pay attention, there will be a test afterwards. Get your man, pull him away from whatever he’s doing and drag him into the bedroom. Set the mood. You pick the music, the scent, and the tasty edibles. Slowly undress yourself, then leisurely disrobe him. I want you to get to know his body. Run your fingers over his head. What do you feel? Is it as smooth as an egg, soft as silk, or a little rough? What was his reaction? Did he like it? Now run your hands over his face. Feel the roughness of his day-old hair growth. Feel his full luscious lips, his strong nose, and sculpted jawbone. Rub your hands over his broad shoulders, outline his pecs and gently swipe your hands over his nipples. Be conscious of how the texture of his skin feels to you and pay attention to his reaction to your touch. Does he move away? Or does he press his body towards your touch?

Play a game of fire and desire, it's a fun way to find his e-zones. Rub an ice cube over his body and watch him tremble with desire. Watch his reactions. Spend time on his e-zones. Follow it up with your searing kisses to heat him up. Surprise! There’s no test. The goal was for you to develop skills to become attuned to your partner’s likes and dislikes in bed. Keep the fire smoldering by spending lazy Sunday afternoons or Saturday mornings exploring each other’s bodies.

A Swedish massage is another erotic and sensual way to get to know your man's body. Learn the various skin manipulations, kneading, chopping, squeezing, and tapping of this sensual massage from a book or video. To make the massage even more pleasurable, massage oil or lotion should be used. Shopping for lubricant can be a fun experience, it can be found practically everywhere. For the more adventurous, try an adult specialty store. While you're there wander around the store, you'll be surprised at the plethora of goodies on the shelves. The more timid souls can try a department store or a lingerie shop for their body lubricating cream. You'll find that in your quest for the perfect cream, you'll have a lot of choices. There is edible massage oil in tantalizing flavors of ambrosia, strawberry, cherry, and chocolate that is sure to excite your taste buds. There's massage oil that heats up once it's on the body, this is a very popular choice with couples. The longer it stays on, the hotter it gets. Exciting!

Or to taunt his other senses, you might want to go for the scented massage oil. Fill the room with an erotic fragrance as you fulfill his dreams. Whatever your preference is, rub some on your hands and get busy. It's nine o'clock at night, you and your honey are cuddled up on the couch watching TV. Suddenly, out of the blue, he cups your face between his hands and gently peppers your face with kisses. Your lips meet and it's on! He tugs on your hand, and in a desire-induced trance you follow him into the bedroom. Snap out of it! Don't let yourself fall into the routine of making love in the same place. The phrase, location, location, location isn't applicable only in real estate. Re-energize your love making by seducing him in the least expected places. Use your imagination. Feeling a little bold? Take your man home to mother nature. Make love under the stars with the sky as your blanket and the grass as your mattress. Let the balmy summer breeze waft over your bodies as you two explode in ecstasy. Take a walk down memory lane. Remember in high school where the back seat of his parents' car was the only place you two were able to be alone? Well, it's years later and he has his own ride, revisit that back seat. Take a trip to the park, find a heavily wooded secluded spot and steam those windows up like you did in high school.

See you next week.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Ten

2006-02-22T06:12:00.000-08:00

Let's continue with our Physical Seduction.

5. Take control! I'm not talking about donning a whip and barking out commands. You don't want to give him flashbacks from his military days. Or at the very least make him think you're the sergeant in command. There are subtle ways to tell him what you want. One technique is to gently guide his hands to the place you desire him to touch you. You can adjust the tempo of love making by slowing your stroke, forcing him to do the same. Don't be afraid to change positions. If the one that he likes isn't working for you, whisper a suggestion for a different one in his ear. Making love isn't all about him, nor is it all about you. It's a loving dance of give and take between two partners.

6. Have fun! Let loose. Make all the noise you want. Clear your mind of any problems that you're having at work. Forget the fact that your six-year-old just broke your prized African vase. Ignore that nagging voice in the back of your head telling you that good girls don't enjoy sex. And if you do enjoy it, you're a slut. Every time that voice sneaks in, squash it with thoughts of how good your man is making you feel at that moment.

Erogenous Zones. Wipe that smirk off your face! You probably think that all men have one erogenous zone, and they think with it. Well, okay, some men do. But you'll be just as guilty as the men who think that all women have only two hot spots. That's right, the breasts, and the second, which I don't need to mention, which lies just a little farther south of the border.

Men, like women, have their hot spots too. Men love it when women pay attention to the not so commonly known erogenous zones. They want to be caressed, stroked, and rubbed just like women. Your man may like a soft nip on his neck. Or gentle prodding in his ear by an eager tongue. It might be barely-there butterfly kisses on his rounded behind or soft feather-light strokes on his nipples. He may whimper with desire caused by teasing tongue strokes to the inside of his thighs and elbows.

This brings up another point. Know your man's body. Don't assume that all men like the same thing. Lauria a girlfriend of mine made that mistake once. She had just ended a three-year relationship with her boyfriend, Lorenzo. Not missing a beat, she immediately started dating a fine brother named, Jerome. When they finally decided to cross that line into indescribable rapture, intense joy, exquisite euphoria, okay, okay, make love, Lauria followed the same script that she did with Lorenzo. She didn't deviate from her routine one bit. What she did to get Lorenzo excited for the past three years, she did it to Jerome. She just substituted one body for another, not intentionally of course, but innocently. She was only doing what she thought men liked, based on her past experiences.

After weeks of this, a very disappointed Jerome finally voiced his frustrations and showed Lauria what he liked done to him in bed. He did it in a way that didn't offend Lauria. After that, Lauria was more willing to experiment with different techniques to keep her man happy. Don't do what Lauria did, don't assume what made your last lover thrash with desire will cause your current lover to do the same. Find out what makes him happy.

Have some fun this week, seduce your partner!

See you next week.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Nine

2006-02-15T05:38:00.000-08:00

Okay, this week is the physical seduction. Let's jump right into it.

The Physical Seduction!

Depending on where you are in your relationship, you may have skipped the prior chapters and jumped directly to this one. That's cool, it all depends on what your motives are. If you're looking to do a hit-and-run, some parts of this chapter will work for you. If your mission is to take your lovemaking to another level, read on. We've talked about getting to know your sweetie spiritually, teasing and taunting his five senses, and making your surroundings as sensuous and intimate as possible. Connecting with your honey on a physical level can be an earth shattering experience. But before you lay between the sheets, I want you to read Denise's Ground Rules.

1. Always use protection! If you feel shy about broaching the subject of contraceptives with your partner, don't beat yourself up, a number of women are hesitant about being the first to initiate such a sensitive subject. But it's a very necessary discussion and having it is literally a matter of life and death. It really shouldn't take long. Just ask him, "Your condom or mine?" See four simple words that can save your life. You don't have to be so glib about it, but you get my point. No condom, no movement between the sheets.

2. Never, ever do anything that you're uncomfortable doing! If he wants to tie you to the bed and you're not having it, tell him. But do think about compromising. Maybe a silk scarf tied loosely around your wrists might do the job. Still shaking your head no? It's your body and he has to respect that. Does he want you to talk dirty and your mouth just can't form the words? Compromise. Think of a "clean" word with a similar meaning. If this doesn't appease him, it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. Remember that lovemaking should be a loving activity between two adults, if one isn't fully into it, there's going to be built up resentment over time.

3. Never compare him to any of your former lovers! The time that you spend together is your time, not Trevin's, Julian's, or Ahmad's. Forget about the first time when you and Julian made love and he sucked your toes until you almost cried like a baby. Scratch all memories of Ahmad's penchant for showering your body with kisses until you writhed in desire. If they were all that, you would still be with at least one of them. Drown in the bliss of your happiness with your current honey.

4. Feel comfortable with your body! Forget about those extra fifteen pounds that you have to lose. Forget about the stretch marks. Forget about the scars that are leftover from the time you had the chicken pox when you were six years old. Let go of all those insecurities. No one has the perfect body. Knowing that, love your body. One trick that I learned to help me feel comfortable with my body is to stand naked in front of a full-length mirror with all the lights on and just admire my body. Run your hands over your body and appreciate the smoothness and softness of it. Revel in the beauty of your womanly curves. Adore your body. It's yours. It's what God gave you.

See you next week.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Eight

2006-01-31T06:49:00.000-08:00

Welcome back. Sorry for not posting anything last week. But here we go.

You've given his eyes something to feast on, now let's tempt his appetite. Baking, stir frying, grilling, braising, poaching, broiling, any way you say it, it's still cooking. A scrumptious, elegantly presented meal can make or break an evening. Now, keep in mind that cooking is not for everybody. There are some people who just don't want to be bothered with all the mixing, stirring, and the chopping. Then you have the people who, um, to be politically correct, fall into the cooking challenged group.

I have a friend whose fiancee had major problems in the kitchen.
Morris bragged on and on to all of us about Mia. According to him, Mia was the finest, smartest, and most down to earth lady on this planet. The man just loved him some Mia. Being in love the way they were, Mia had arranged a romantic evening for her man at her home. She had planned on cooking a mouth-watering feast for him. She had it laid out. Her home was spotless, incense burned hypnotically in the background and her table was hooked up, she had set it the way her grandmother had taught her.

According to Morris, the meal was so revolting that even her pet terrier wouldn't touch it. Fortunately, he was so in love with her at this point that he didn't care if she couldn't melt a stick of butter. He stocked up on cookbooks, conferred with his mother, bought himself an apron, and he handled the cooking. Now that's true love. Yes, he still married her.

If you're another Mia, you have some options. If you're lucky enough to find a man like Morris, then you're in there. If not, I suggest that you start a collection of take out menus from the neighborhood restaurants, because you'll be using them a lot. If you're both somewhat adequate cooks, take turns cooking special meals for each other. Another option is cooking classes. Many community colleges offer evening cooking classes for everyone ranging from the novice to the gourmet. Find a class that matches your skill level, where you would feel comfortable and not intimidated. After learning the basics of cooking, surprise your man with a lip-smacking home cooked meal.

It doesn't have to be anything fancy, but it would impress the hell out of him if it were, but he'll love whatever you decide to make. Just because you made the effort to do it.

This is pretty short entry. But stop back later this week when I move onto the Physical Seduction.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Seven

2006-01-13T20:51:00.000-08:00

Hey y'all!

We're still on the Sensual Seduction. Denise Daniels is the main character from Bourgeois Blues. You can read an excerpt at http://www.desireeday.com/BBlues.htm

Here we go.

Let's get the basics out of the way. Clean it up! Pull out the vacuum cleaner, disinfectant, and room spray and do some heavy duty cleaning. Scrub it down, wipe it off, and shake it out. Don't leave anything untouched. If a statue or picture hasn't been moved in years, be careful before moving it, you don't know which one of God's creatures made their home underneath it. Show him a home that your mama would be proud of visiting or better yet, even his mother.

Clear off that big rectangular item in the middle of your dining room. Spend some time at your local department stores where you can find a nice selection of inexpensive dinnerware and glassware without reaching too deeply into your Coach bag. Dress the table with color coordinated accents. Cloth napkins, place mats, and ten to twelve-inch tapers. Keep in mind what each color scheme will convey. Remember, we want to set the mood.

Black and gold lends an air of elegance to the evening, you can never go wrong with this color combination. It'll make him think that he's dining out at a four star restaurant. Soft pastels, pink, blue, and purple are very soothing and romantic. Bright jewel tones fuchsia, amethyst, and red are fun and playful, they can be toned down under the muted candlelight. Be creative and let your personality show when you set your table.

Adorn it with an inexpensive bouquet of flowers. You can always find eye-catching arrangements on sale in the florist section inside many grocery stores. Flowers don't do it for you? Find a unique centerpiece that'll complement your table, not overwhelm it. You want to be able to see your baby.

Complement the evening with your favorite music wafting throughout your home. Seduce him with some of the classics. You can't go wrong with the Isley Brothers, The O'Jays, and some Al Green.

Add some ambience to your special evening with incense or scented candles. Incense may be a little strong, so you might want to burn it a couple of hours before your romantic interlude and it'll leave behind a sultry cloud of scent. On the other hand, votive candles with their delicate scent can be burned throughout the night, filling the room with a long lasting intoxicating fragrance.

Thanks for visiting. See you next week.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Six

2006-01-06T18:25:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everybody. Hope you all had a safe and fun one.

I am still focusing on The Sensual Seduction!

We've touched on the underwear, let's look at your outerwear. Glance down, what are you wearing? Is it something that's reminiscent of what your mother wore after changing out of her work clothes? A ratty silk head scarf, tattered, frayed jeans that are a couple sizes too small, and an overstretched T-shirt. This is a no-no. Hook it up! I'm not talking about walking around all day in designer suits, high heels, and stockings. And you don't have to dress like you're about to spend the night out on the town. What I'm talking about is making sure your outfit is color coordinated, spotless, and without holes.

Sounds like basic stuff! I know, but let me tell you a quick story about a girlfriend of mine. Tania got it going on! She has sistahs from miles around hating her, sistah haters. She got the sports car, good job, good man, who also has a good job, and she's gorgeous. What's her problem? Every Friday whenever she and her boyfriend didn't have plans, she pulled off her work clothes, and threw on a pair of funky holey sweat pants and a ripped up T-shirt that had seen better days. What's wrong with this? You're probably asking yourself. Girlfriend is just chilling. No, she didn't bathe for two days straight, which by itself isn't that bad, but when she went to the gym and had a grueling workout, she had packs of dogs following her home. The self-imposed back to nature weekends nearly cost her her boyfriend. Fortunately, she wised up and now they're happily married.

Tania's case is a little extreme, but it is important to keep yourself looking nice, not just for your sweetie, but for yourself as well. Have you ever been over a brother's house for dinner and discovered that boyfriend hadn't emptied the garbage in two weeks, washed dishes in about three, and you weren’t able to make out the color of his carpeting because it was covered with his dirty laundry? You're nodding your head. Don't be a female version of this slob. Does the stench of yesterday's chitlins dinner hit you as soon as you open your door? Clean it up! He doesn't need to know what you had for dinner the night before, he should be teased and enticed by the aroma of your perfume. Drip drying your pantyhose and bras in the bathroom? Clean it up! That's just tacky.

Do you see where I'm going with this? Yes, the surroundings are just as important as the activity. Whatever you have planned with your baby, you want to set a warm and inviting background that complements your activity. Seduce him visually. Give him an unforgettable evening, which will lead to many more.

See you next week.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Five

2005-12-27T09:41:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody.

Thanks for coming back. Let's jump right into it.

Please don't go out and get a full body make over. It's important that you improve on what you have and really emphasize the positive. Be a little vain. Spend some time looking in the mirror to determine what your assets are. This is no time to be shy. Do you get compliments from family, friends, and even strangers on your eyes, hair, lips, or big legs? Work those to your advantage. Accentuate the positives. We all aren't supermodels. By the way, have you ever seen any of them without any makeup? They'll be the first to tell you that they aren't perfect.

They have a whole team of experts working on them, hairstylists, makeup artists, and personal trainers. Create your own team of experts. Acquaint yourself with the makeup counter at a major department store. Not only will they give you a free make over, but they'll give you step-by-step instructions on how to put on the makeup. Want to begin an exercise regimen but don’t know where to start? You can muddle through the myriad of exercise videos out on the market today to find a video that fit your needs. If this is your first time using an exercise video, or doing any type of aerobic exercise, be sure to get one that caters to novices. Also, check with your doctor before starting any type of physical fitness plan. If you find one that piques your interest and you aren't quite sure if it's what you'll like, you can always rent it from a video store to preview. This will give you an opportunity to determine if you like the format, music, and the instructor.

The gym is another option. If you can't afford the initiation fee and monthly dues, ask them if they offer trial memberships. A number of gyms offer two to four week trial memberships to entice potential members to join. Use this opportunity to use the equipment and workout. After your trial membership is over, resume talks with the gym. They are always hungry for people to join. They may be able to set up a payment plan that works with your budget.

If joining a workout facility is still impossible, get your workout on by power walking. Walking is inexpensive, you only need to invest in a good pair of sneakers. Another benefit is that you can do it year round. When it’s inclement, head for shelter. Join the thousands of people who have taken up mall walking. Not only will you be getting yourself in shape, but you’ll be able to do some window shopping as well. Remember, there's really no excuse when it comes to not exercising.

Don't forget about your hands and feet. Can't afford a pedicure? They have so many affordable products on the market now that there is no excuse for anyone to walk around with ashy heels and tired looking toenails. Hook it up! Don't forget about the hands. Are your nails ragged as a result of your nail biting? Trim 'em and paint 'em. Polished and neat nails are sexy. And it's a small thing that tell people that you care about the way you look. Let your fingernail polish make a statement about who you are. If you work in corporate America, save the three-inch nails with the glitter for the weekends.

Remember that frilly frothy number that you wore the first time you knew you were about to get some? Is it hanging in the back of the closet on the floral padded hanger that it came on? Somewhere in between the first time you made love and now, the idea of dressing for bed got lost. It's a mistake that many women who are in relationships make, myself included. Give him something to look forward to when he comes to bed. Throw out those dingy white cotton bagging-in-the-butt-underwear. Save that oversize T-shirt for working in the garden. And trash that old tattered robe that you've been wearing since high school. Surprise him with some lingerie that screams: "Let me be your freak mamma tonight!"

If you feel sexy wearing a thong or g-string, do it! Flannel makes you feel like a woman? That's fine. Work it! Demi bras and panties made out of flannel are very popular and sexy as well. Still feeling a little uneasy about exposing too much? Maybe a silky chemise with a sheer wrap trimmed in black lace is more your style. It's modest and alluring at the same time. It'll show just enough to get him excited. The important thing is for you to pick whatever piece of lingerie that makes you feel good. Because if you're feeling good, it'll show when you're making love to your man.

Happy Holidays!

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Four

2005-12-18T19:18:00.000-08:00

Mmmmm, we're on sensual seduction. I'm listening to KEM as I write this. He is sensuality personified.

Enjoy.

The Sensual Seduction!

After years of peeing in front of your man, waking up next to him with crud in the corners of your eyes and the stank of morning breath fresh on your lips, you forget about seducing your honey. You know who you are. You stop doing the small things. You stop cooking special candlelight dinners. You stop wearing sexy lingerie to bed. You stop giving yourself manicures and pedicures. You stop going to the gym. In the back of your mind, and you know I'm right, the notion that you've got him now, and you don't have to work as hard to keep yourself looking nice, sits. This is wrong! Give yourself a slap on the wrist.

You might think this is superficial, but let's flip the script. Suppose your honey stopped doing all the things that attracted you to him in the first place? He stopped his weekly visits to his barber because he didn't want to pay the fifteen dollars that he was paying to keep his hair tight. His must do three times a week workouts at the gym dwindled down to once a month, causing his once buffed one hundred and eighty five pound muscular body to balloon into two hundred pounds of fat. And if the words low fat are uttered in his presence, he'd think you betrayed him. Love is a two-way street, it's up to both of you to make an effort to keep yourselves looking attractive. Make a promise to love yourself and love him by keeping yourself in the best shape possible.

Most of us have the full capacity of our five senses, sight, taste, smell, touch, and hearing. We take them for granted. Remember how as a toddler the most simplistic object kept us fascinated for hours? We were given these senses for a reason. A full seduction of the senses cannot occur unless all of the five senses are coddled, pampered, and catered to. Give him something wondrous to look at. Tantalize his taste buds with a scrumptious array of edibles.

Hypnotize him with your intoxicating perfume. Calm his beating heart with the soothing sounds of jazz. And tickle his libido with the sexy, sensuous feel of silk. Whether this is your first date or your thousandth, show him that you care about his happiness. Men are very visual. This bears repeating, men are VERY visual. Just the sight of a gorgeous lady can turn the most stoic man into a jabbering idiot. Men, like women, enjoy spending their time in the company of attractive people. I know this sounds shallow but it's the truth.

Think about your last visit to the gym. Two guys step to you for your number. The first one, let's call him Tom, is five eleven, the color of warmed syrup, buffed, and he has the cutest behind you've seen on a guy in a long time. Boyfriend gets your home, work, and pager number. Then there's Eddie, he's six one, and weighs close to three hundred pounds. You know this because you peeked at the scale when he stepped on. His eyes remind you of a heart-broken basset hound as you quickly mumble that you're seeing someone before you leave the brother standing in the middle of the room nursing his hurt ego. You discard Eddie’s feelings as quick as you would a used tampon, while you run off and fantasize about Tom calling you.

You're probably thinking that Big Ed may be a nice guy, and he may possess all the things that you're looking for in a man. That may be true. Let's be honest with one another, it's the physical appearance that initially attract people to each other. I know that you're shaking your head no and telling yourself that you'll never be that trifling. You’re not shallow. You’re human.

Happy Holidays!

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Three

2005-12-09T08:29:00.000-08:00

Welcome back!!! I'm still focusing on the Spiritual Seduction.

To read an excerpt from Bourgeois Blues, please visit http://www.desireeday.com/Books.html

Enjoy!!!

Praise the Lord! Throw your arms up and let His blessings rain on you. Bask in His loving-kindness. Share your feelings of tranquility and completeness that you get from praising God with your baby. You want to expose him to your love of God the right way. Take the time to scout out the perfect spot, away from the distractions of your daily life, where you can open your soul and share your beliefs with him. Call your auntie, your grandmother, your cousins, or your mother-in-law to get names of churches that you and your sweetie can visit. Spend Sundays visiting churches. Take your time finding a house of worship, it's a very personal decision. Pick the one that meets all your spiritual needs. Praise the Lord in public, announce your love and devotion to God to the world. Do it during the week and the weekends. Attend weekly bible study classes and services together.

Pick a grassy hill or a cool shaded area in the park and let nature serve as a lustrous backdrop. Nature isn't your thing? Grab some over-size pillows and form a nest in front of the fireplace. Get comfortable and read a favorite scripture out loud to him. Savor it together, let the power of his words envelop your bodies.

God is with us twenty-four-seven, so don't save your blessings until bedtime. Have daily conversations with Him. Thank Him for giving you the opportunity to open your eyes in the morning and close them at night. Thank Him for surrounding you with loving and forgiving family and friends. Honor your wondrous relationship with Him.

Sister-friend, throw your head back and conjure up a picture of your man. Let the image of the way his dimples deepen in his cheeks whenever he laughs, or the frown that mars his face whenever he's troubled, or the way he confidently struts into a room, waft through your head. Yes, that's your baby. That's the man who can turn you into his personal freak mama by the mere crook of his finger.

Find a cozy room in your home, that is bursting with positive vibes, where the two of you won't be disturbed for a couple of hours. Change into loose fitting clothing that will allow for smooth fluid movements. Light several candles and arrange them into a circle large enough for you two to sit in. Drape the room with jazz, new age, or gospel music. Sit facing each other in the middle of the ring of candles. Open your eyes, heart, and soul while you gently stroke your partner's body as you whisper what you love about him. Don't be timid. Feel the power of your loving words. Imagine them going to the core of his being. Give him a chance to reciprocate with compliments of his own. Embrace the love flowing in the room. Whew! I know, this is deep. Practice this regularly. Do it before you feel yourself drifting away from your baby. Use it as a relationship enriching experience, and not as a last ditch effort to save it.

Do you have a favorite book that makes you scream with laughter? Or one that makes you squirm with desire? Maybe you have one that is so thought-provoking that it keeps you up at night. Don't be greedy, let your baby in on your secret, share it with him. He'll feel special that you're sharing something as intimate as a favorite book with him. Spend an evening in front of the fireplace or outside under the stars on a warm summer's night reading out loud to each other. Sit back and enjoy the sound of each other's voice. Let it wash over you like a warm tropical breeze.Pen a poem in honor of your main squeeze. Don't worry about spelling, rhyming, or sounding ostentatious, just listen to your heart and the words will flow onto the page as if by magic. Praise him for being a strong Black man. Applaud his parenting skills.

Pay homage to the way he patiently listens to the children whenever they are distressed over a problem. Compose an unforgettable poem about the way his face softens with love whenever he talks about his mother. Tell him how he made you feel after he gave you your third orgasm. Love the way his skin looks and feels after a shower? Tell him. Show your silly side, make fun of the look of amazement he gets when Michael Jordan scores on his favorite basketball player. Keep the flame of spirituality burning with your sweetie by listening to your inner voice for guidance.

Happy Holidays!!!

See you all next week.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Two

2005-12-05T07:11:00.000-08:00

I hope you enjoyed part one. As promised, here is the next part in the series. To read an excerpt from Bourgeios Blues, please visit http://www.desireeday.com/Books.html.

No matter how low you feel, no matter how badly the world is treating you, no matter how powerless you feel at times, there is one thing that you have control over, your spiritual well-being.

I want you to celebrate your beauty as an African American lady. Praise the unique hued skin that you were blessed with. Love those lush lips and your curvaceous body. Celebrate your strength, tenacity, and optimism. I want you to do this every morning. Remember you have to love yourself before you can fully love anyone else. Self affirmations can take anywhere from one to five to fifteen minutes. The amount of time that is required isn't written in stone. Do it until the person in the mirror can confidently meet your eyes and your voice is strong, free from all doubts and uncertainties. Don't limit yourself to your bathroom or bedroom mirror.

Affirmations can also be done in your car on your way to work. You may garner some strange looks from other drivers, but who cares, you're nourishing your soul. Did a customer pluck your last nerve? Take a break during your workday and steal away to the bathroom, find an empty stall and quietly remind yourself that you're a patient person. Don't let that person disrupt your positive vibes.

If the morning and workday is too hurried to stop and take the time to nourish your soul, do them before you go to bed. In addition to wrapping your body with blankets, wrap yourself with words of empowerment, love, and admiration before your descent into sleep for the night. When you feel comfortable doing your self affirmations on your own, share them with your man.

Kick off your morning or if you prefer ease into the evening by enriching your and your man's soul. Not only will this deepen your love and commitment to one another, but it will create a cocoon of intimacy around you two that will prevent negativity from seeping in and destroying your spiritual well-being. Stand in front of a mirror with your honey's strong arms circling your waist. Look into each other's eyes while each one of you recite your self affirmations. Do this daily.

Hope you enjoyed. See you next week!

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love
www.desireeday.com

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself)-Part One

2005-12-01T08:07:00.000-08:00

A while ago I wrote a book called, Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself). It was supposed to serve as a complement to Bourgeois Blues. A number of people enjoyed it, so I decided to share it with everyone.

Every week, I'll provide you all with an excerpt from it. So sit back and enjoy.

At the beginning of a relationship, we're all dewy-eyed with lust. Passionate vows of everlasting love are made to each other. But over time, those ardent promises are forgotten, seductive glances are no longer exchanged, and long, lingering kisses are replaced with quick pecks on the cheek. Does this sound a little familiar? We all get into relationships and we tend to get comfortable with each other and we stop doing all the little things that we did to get him in the first place. I'm guilty of this as well. We forget how to date him, we forget how to seduce him, and we forget how to appreciate him.

Now whether he's your sweetie for life and the relationship needs rejuvenation, or he's someone you've just met and you see a possible future between the two of you, I can work with you. Remember these words: Maintaining and creating a healthy, trusting, and loving relationship doesn't mysteriously happen just because you love that person. It takes more than love. It takes a strong belief in God, understanding, patience, a willingness to accept change, and open communication between you and your love.

The next step is to take your relationship to another level. To strengthen your bond of love, to deepen your commitment to each other, and to enrich your cocoon of intimacy. It can all be achieved by the sexual seduction, the spiritual seduction, and the sensual seduction. We will explore each one in detail.

The title of this book is Denise Daniels' Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself). Don't ever forget who's important. You! It's a woman's nature to be nurturing and caring, but don't get so caught up pleasing someone that you neglect your well-being. If you find that happening, step back and re-prioritize your life. I don't want you to carry the responsibility of doing all the work in the relationship, it's a two-way street. Before you knock yourself out with doing all this, make sure that the brother is worthy of all this special attention. There's nothing more disheartening and discouraging than wasting your time and energy, and sometimes money, on a brother who doesn't deserve it. Choose your man carefully.

Read this guide with an open mind and heart. While reading through some parts of it, you may think, what a slut. Please don't, look at it as a woman who is taking control of her spiritual and physical happiness. So change into an over-sized T-shirt, unplug the phone, lock the doors, and grab your favorite drink. I'm going to give you some tips that will make your man feel like a king. An African king.

Spiritual Seduction!

Spiritual. Spiritual. Spiritual. A word that causes some people to shiver with anticipation, stomachs to knot in fear from the unknown, or some people to smile knowingly. I took a mini poll among my friends to get their definition of spiritual. To one girlfriend it meant religion, God in particular. One brother graced me with a cocked eyebrow and wanted to know when I started communicating with ghosts. And to let him know when I planned on talking with them again so that he can ask his cousin Tyrone where he left his ATM card. Okay? After him I wanted to give up, but I didn't. I asked a wise sister-friend. I sat in awe as her face shimmered with tranquility. She told me that spirituality is the love and honor you have for God and yourself. She went on to say that, making a spiritual connection with yourself can be a mind-blowing, wondrous, and cleansing experience. But making a spiritual connection with your partner is a million times better than any drug on the market. No synthetic concoction can replicate the power and strength from within. We are going to do some connecting. Let's embrace spirituality.

Desiree Day
www.desireeday.com

Gold digger? Or just being very smart?

2005-11-06T17:30:00.000-08:00

In Crazy Love, Stacie is hell-bent on finding a man...not just any man but a rich one. She wants a man who'd take her on trips and shower her with expensive gifts.

Anyone reading the first chapter of Crazy Love would have a very strong opinion of Stacie. They would either think that she's a gold digger or she's someone who knows what she wants and goes after it.

Is it wrong for her to be interested in men only for their money?

Women have been branded as gold diggers can men be gold diggers? Do you know any?

Okay All--How do you Tell if a man's packing?

2005-10-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

In the first chapter of Crazy Love Stacie is so excited about meeting Crawford Leonard Wallace III, not only is he fine, a celebrity, and rich, but he's got a big dick.

Stacie is so excited that she's almost orgasmic, here's the scene:

"He’s a ten-incher or more,” she boasted. “Dude got three legs. I can tell these things. Some women look at the shoe size, I look at the finger width. If he got thick fingers, then he got a thick di—you know what. The pants were loose, but it was in there!”

Stacie uses the thick fingers method to determine if a man has a big dick. She swears by it.

Some women go by shoe size and some go by height.

I go by shoulders. Don't laugh it's a technique that has served me well over time. I found the broader the shoulders, the bigger the dick.

Okay ladies or men what do you look at to determine a man's dick size? Has that method failed you? If so, were you pleasantly surprised or disappointed?

Do You have a Blueprint of Your Ideal Mate?

2005-10-09T21:50:00.000-07:00

Stacie, the main character in my novel Crazy Love is notorious for keeping lists. She lives by her lists. She feels that her What I Want in a Man list is her blueprint for her perfect mate. Check it out:

1. Must be nine inches or bigger

2. He must be six feet, one inch or taller

3. He must have light eyes, green or gray

4. Must have soft curly hair—none of that nappy shit

5. Gotta have Shemar Moore’s cheekbones

6. Gotta be able to wear a mesh muscle shirt and look good in it

7. His ride gotta be phat

8. He must be making at least $80k (after taxes)

9. No kids—I don’t need any baby momma drama

10. He’d better be a freak in bed

I can’t laugh because at one time I kept a list. Yep, I kept a list of what I was looking for in a man. When I decided to start this blog I went searching for it. It’s funny I wrote it in 2000 but for the most part my wants haven’t deviated too much from the list.

Check out my list:

1. He must be a strong confident Black man

2. He must have strong morals, ethics and character

3. He should be comfortable in his own skin

4. He says, “I want to treat you like a queen.” And really means it.

5. He must be sexually adventurous and can appreciate a women who is as well

6. He can be vulnerable but not weak

7. He should be centered within his universe

8. He must be spiritually strong, no need to be able to quote the bible

9. He wants to be a husband, lover and father

10. He must be willing to see my flaws as cute idiosyncrasies not defects and I’ll do the same for him.

Pretty different from Stacie’s huh? But maybe I should steal the nine inches or bigger requirement from her.

What do y’all think about lists? Do you think they’re necessary? Who’s more prone to keep them men or women? Do you have a list for the perfect mate? If so, what’s on it? You gotta share, I told you mine.