Dating and Relationships - Atlanta Style

Come and enjoy a funny and thought provoking blog dealing with today's treacherous dating arena.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Fifteen

Welcome back!!! Let's finish off the list.

8. Wow him with a weekend camping and fishing trip. He will forever be indebted to you. What type of lady organizes a three-day camping trip in the wilderness with her baby? You do! It won't be as bad as you think it'll be. Let's do some visualization. Imagine the earthy strong scent of pine, the fresh clean morning air brushing over your body, and the warm glow from the campfire illuminating your honey's gorgeous face. Now are you ready to go? Visit your local department store where you have all the items you'll need at your fingertips. A sleeping bag for two, a tent, lanterns, grill, and fishing poles. If this is too much work, rent a cabin just for the two of you. Spend the time getting back to nature. Take nature walks along the trail or wake up at sunrise for some early morning fishing. Take time to enjoy the unobstructed view of the sky. Have a contest with each other to see who can identify the most constellations, with the loser giving the winner a full-body massage.

9. Workout together. Seeing you in a lycra sports bra and body hugging shorts while heaving and sweating, will be a big turn-on for him. The health benefits of exercise are well-known—stronger heart, lower cholesterol, increased muscle mass, etc. Why not share this with your man? Spend time at the gym working on strengthening your heart and increasing your muscle mass. Warm up together with some body touching stretches. Grab his hand and let your bodies meet in synchronized fluid movements.

10. Indulge him with a facial, treat him to the full treatment. To a number of men, particularly Black men, their face is a source of contention. They have to deal with dry ashy skin, ingrown hair, or acne. To prepare him for this decadent treat, turn down the lights, turn on the answering machine, and send the kids away for a couple of hours, tell them that mommy and daddy need to spend some private time with each other. Set the backdrop with soul soothing votive candles, mellow music, and spirit enriching incense. Start by cleaning his face of the day's grime and stress with a deep cleansing face cream, using slow circular strokes. Depending on the condition of his skin you can do one of the following. Surprise him with a clay mask that will pull out any remaining impurities, leaving behind baby-soft skin. Or you may want to apply a peel-off mask to pull out the contaminants and slough off any dead skin. Top it off with running a cotton ball soaked in astringent over his face to tighten his pores. Finish his facial with a moisturizing facial cream tenderly applied to his face.

11. Thank him! Yes, thank him. Thank him for taking out the garbage without being told. Thank him for fixing that leaky faucet. Thank him for filling the car up with gas and getting the oil changed. Thank him for hitting that squeaky spot on the door with a dab of W-D40. Men do these things to show us that they care. It's their way of being our protector, our provider, our man. So instead of taking it for granted that he should be doing all the above, don't, just thank him.

Don't forget who's just as important in this equation. You! Yes, you want to make sure that your honey is happy, but at the same time, you've got to be mentally and spiritually balanced. Here are some activities that you can do when you find yourself feeling a little overwhelmed.

Come back next week and we'll talk about some relaxing activities for the ladies.

See ya!

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Fourteen

Welcome back. Let's continue.

4. If the image of him sleeping peacefully beside you flits through your mind like a soft caress, pick up the phone or lean over to him and whisper it to him in his ear.

5. Bathe him. That's right, give your man a bath. I'm not talking about a full-body scrub down. I mean a loving, soul cleansing bath. There's no better way to show your man your love for him than by giving him a little tender care. Let your hands roam over his body as you wash away his anxieties while he languishes in scented water in a tub surrounded with soothing scented candles.

6. Sweep him off his feet. Steal him away to a posh hotel for a weekend of romance, soul enrichment, and culinary delights. Pack a bag of clothes for both of you, pick him up at work Friday night, and surprise him with your plans. Spend the weekend being his freak mama, rejuvenating your spirit, or simply holding each other.

7. We all know how good we feel when we receive flowers unexpectedly at work. Our heartstrings are tugged hard at knowing that our man actually picked out the flowers himself and had them sent to us. To women, it's a public declaration of his love. You do the same for him. It doesn't have to be a special occasion. Do it just because______________. You fill in the blank. Believe it or not, men do like to receive flowers. Blow him away by having a gorgeous arrangement delivered to his job. If you think that he might be a little embarrassed by receiving flowers at work, have them waiting for him when he gets home after a hard day of work. Be sure to send him flowers that scream virility. I bet you're wondering, how can flowers be masculine? Well, you don't want to send him a bouquet of baby girl pink carnations. Some flowers exude masculinity, red roses do. Picture a rose. Solid elongated blooms sitting atop long thick and thorny stems, this radiates strength. This is just one, there are dozens more. Take your time to visit a reputable florist, don't be afraid to mix and match different flowers to create the arrangement that you want.

See you next week!
Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Thirteen

I'm back. I had to take a little hiatus. I've been busy putting the finishing touches on my new novel, Cruising, which is scheduled to be released in September 2006. And I completed another novel 1920 Peachtree.

So enough with all that, let's delve right in.

It’s crucial that you talk to your man to find out what's causing his inability to make love to you. The first thing you need to do is to get out of the bed! You hear me? I'll repeat it. Get out of the bed! Better yet, get out of the bedroom! You want to move to a neutral area where he won't feel like you're blaming him or attacking his manhood. Move into the living room and talk. Ask him what's wrong. He may or may not want to talk at this point. He may be too embarrassed. Don't press him. Let him know that you're there for him. He'll appreciate the fact that you didn't emasculate him. If the problem persists, don't overlook the fact that it may be a physiological problem. Consult your personal physician who might be able to treat him, if not, he'll refer him on to a specialist. Stay with your baby and work through this crisis with him.

Other sure fire tips to keep him feeling loved, cherished, and appreciated.

1. Compliment him daily. Remember, everybody loves praise. Men are no exception. Be sure to do it daily, don't do it so much that he thinks he's all that. But do it enough to let him know that you appreciate him. Your compliment could be something as small as how the color of his shirt flatters his skin or how good his pants look with his shirt. I know this sounds basic, but just remember how good you felt when someone paid you a compliment when you least expected it.

2. Make a concerted effort to talk to your significant other. On weekdays you find yourself running to pick up the kids from daycare, rushing to fix dinner, and hurrying to get that extra load of laundry done. And during all this, the nagging thought in the back of your mind is to talk with your honey. But by the time you're finished with everything you had to do, you're tired, he's groggy and the only thing that you two are going to do is hit the sheets. No, not for lovemaking, but sleep. Let's try to break this cycle. As soon as you get home, take a deep cleansing breath, ignore the mess, ignore the fact that you have to cook dinner for your hungry brood. Spend twenty minutes of downtime with your sweetie. Isn't realistic? Okay, let's try this. Have your honey join you in the kitchen and help you prepare dinner. This will give you two some much needed time to talk about each other's day and just simply enjoy each other's company.

3. Make a date with your guy. Pencil him in for lunch. Stop, I saw that frown. Yes, make a date with your man. It's not as planned or unromantic as it sounds. With the merry-go-round that everyone is on nowadays, it's imperative that you schedule time with your man. You take control of the situation. The goal is for you two to spend quality time with each other. While you're on this date, any talk about work, family, children, or current events is forbidden. The purpose here is to re-connect and seduce each other.

See you next week!

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love

Friday, March 10, 2006

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Twelve

Sometimes you don't have to go far for a romantic interlude. For some of you, it might be a few steps down into your basement. Remember that old sleeper sofa that you bought for overnight guests, but found that it didn't match your decor and you stuck it in the basement? Hmm, suckie suckie now. You get it? Launch a sneak attack. Catch him while he's taking a shower when he's probably in his most relaxed state. Let the shower be your own tropical waterfall while warm, sparkling, clear water cascade over your nude bodies. Get down and dirty with foreplay. Use a loofah soaked with bath gel to electrify his body parts. Be careful! Making love in the shower calls for some tricky maneuvering. You don't want your family talking about the time you and your honey were rushed to the hospital because of injuries sustained in a shower accident.

What do you do when you want to please your man, and he can't um, you know? Picture this. A romantic candle light dinner for two, an evening of slow, sensuous dancing, and a blood boiling full-body massage while he feeds you chocolate-covered strawberries. Girl, you just know that tonight he's going to give it to you really good. He undresses, flexes the pecs, slides next to you, and peppers your body with kisses. You're hot, you're ready, you look down and find out that somebody called time out and didn't even tell you. Brother man is limp as a noodle. Fight back the urge to ask him, "What the #@#@ is going on!" Resorting to profanity, anger, or pettiness won't solve anything. It might make you feel a little better. But let's be considerate of his feelings. Swallow that anger, and at this point frustration, look up at him adoringly and ask, "What's going on?" You really want to please him, but it just ain't happening.

His response may hinge on where you're at in the relationship. If this is your first time together, it may be a case of performance anxiety. First time jitters. Believe it or not, men do get nervous. Or maybe the brother liked you with all your clothes on, but when he got them off, it wasn't what he expected. Don't get mad, don't get hurt, it happens. It's his problem, NOT yours. Of course, he'll never admit to it, he'll just say that he's tired, roll over, and fall asleep. If you and your man have been together for a while and have never experienced this problem before, he may be suffering from stress.

See you next week.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Eleven

I have an exercise for you. Pay attention, there will be a test afterwards. Get your man, pull him away from whatever he’s doing and drag him into the bedroom. Set the mood. You pick the music, the scent, and the tasty edibles. Slowly undress yourself, then leisurely disrobe him. I want you to get to know his body. Run your fingers over his head. What do you feel? Is it as smooth as an egg, soft as silk, or a little rough? What was his reaction? Did he like it? Now run your hands over his face. Feel the roughness of his day-old hair growth. Feel his full luscious lips, his strong nose, and sculpted jawbone. Rub your hands over his broad shoulders, outline his pecs and gently swipe your hands over his nipples. Be conscious of how the texture of his skin feels to you and pay attention to his reaction to your touch. Does he move away? Or does he press his body towards your touch?

Play a game of fire and desire, it's a fun way to find his e-zones. Rub an ice cube over his body and watch him tremble with desire. Watch his reactions. Spend time on his e-zones. Follow it up with your searing kisses to heat him up. Surprise! There’s no test. The goal was for you to develop skills to become attuned to your partner’s likes and dislikes in bed. Keep the fire smoldering by spending lazy Sunday afternoons or Saturday mornings exploring each other’s bodies.

A Swedish massage is another erotic and sensual way to get to know your man's body. Learn the various skin manipulations, kneading, chopping, squeezing, and tapping of this sensual massage from a book or video. To make the massage even more pleasurable, massage oil or lotion should be used. Shopping for lubricant can be a fun experience, it can be found practically everywhere. For the more adventurous, try an adult specialty store. While you're there wander around the store, you'll be surprised at the plethora of goodies on the shelves. The more timid souls can try a department store or a lingerie shop for their body lubricating cream. You'll find that in your quest for the perfect cream, you'll have a lot of choices. There is edible massage oil in tantalizing flavors of ambrosia, strawberry, cherry, and chocolate that is sure to excite your taste buds. There's massage oil that heats up once it's on the body, this is a very popular choice with couples. The longer it stays on, the hotter it gets. Exciting!

Or to taunt his other senses, you might want to go for the scented massage oil. Fill the room with an erotic fragrance as you fulfill his dreams. Whatever your preference is, rub some on your hands and get busy. It's nine o'clock at night, you and your honey are cuddled up on the couch watching TV. Suddenly, out of the blue, he cups your face between his hands and gently peppers your face with kisses. Your lips meet and it's on! He tugs on your hand, and in a desire-induced trance you follow him into the bedroom. Snap out of it! Don't let yourself fall into the routine of making love in the same place. The phrase, location, location, location isn't applicable only in real estate. Re-energize your love making by seducing him in the least expected places. Use your imagination. Feeling a little bold? Take your man home to mother nature. Make love under the stars with the sky as your blanket and the grass as your mattress. Let the balmy summer breeze waft over your bodies as you two explode in ecstasy. Take a walk down memory lane. Remember in high school where the back seat of his parents' car was the only place you two were able to be alone? Well, it's years later and he has his own ride, revisit that back seat. Take a trip to the park, find a heavily wooded secluded spot and steam those windows up like you did in high school.

See you next week.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Ten

Let's continue with our Physical Seduction.

5. Take control! I'm not talking about donning a whip and barking out commands. You don't want to give him flashbacks from his military days. Or at the very least make him think you're the sergeant in command. There are subtle ways to tell him what you want. One technique is to gently guide his hands to the place you desire him to touch you. You can adjust the tempo of love making by slowing your stroke, forcing him to do the same. Don't be afraid to change positions. If the one that he likes isn't working for you, whisper a suggestion for a different one in his ear. Making love isn't all about him, nor is it all about you. It's a loving dance of give and take between two partners.

6. Have fun! Let loose. Make all the noise you want. Clear your mind of any problems that you're having at work. Forget the fact that your six-year-old just broke your prized African vase. Ignore that nagging voice in the back of your head telling you that good girls don't enjoy sex. And if you do enjoy it, you're a slut. Every time that voice sneaks in, squash it with thoughts of how good your man is making you feel at that moment.

Erogenous Zones. Wipe that smirk off your face! You probably think that all men have one erogenous zone, and they think with it. Well, okay, some men do. But you'll be just as guilty as the men who think that all women have only two hot spots. That's right, the breasts, and the second, which I don't need to mention, which lies just a little farther south of the border.

Men, like women, have their hot spots too. Men love it when women pay attention to the not so commonly known erogenous zones. They want to be caressed, stroked, and rubbed just like women. Your man may like a soft nip on his neck. Or gentle prodding in his ear by an eager tongue. It might be barely-there butterfly kisses on his rounded behind or soft feather-light strokes on his nipples. He may whimper with desire caused by teasing tongue strokes to the inside of his thighs and elbows.

This brings up another point. Know your man's body. Don't assume that all men like the same thing. Lauria a girlfriend of mine made that mistake once. She had just ended a three-year relationship with her boyfriend, Lorenzo. Not missing a beat, she immediately started dating a fine brother named, Jerome. When they finally decided to cross that line into indescribable rapture, intense joy, exquisite euphoria, okay, okay, make love, Lauria followed the same script that she did with Lorenzo. She didn't deviate from her routine one bit. What she did to get Lorenzo excited for the past three years, she did it to Jerome. She just substituted one body for another, not intentionally of course, but innocently. She was only doing what she thought men liked, based on her past experiences.

After weeks of this, a very disappointed Jerome finally voiced his frustrations and showed Lauria what he liked done to him in bed. He did it in a way that didn't offend Lauria. After that, Lauria was more willing to experiment with different techniques to keep her man happy. Don't do what Lauria did, don't assume what made your last lover thrash with desire will cause your current lover to do the same. Find out what makes him happy.

Have some fun this week, seduce your partner!

See you next week.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Nine

Okay, this week is the physical seduction. Let's jump right into it.

The Physical Seduction!

Depending on where you are in your relationship, you may have skipped the prior chapters and jumped directly to this one. That's cool, it all depends on what your motives are. If you're looking to do a hit-and-run, some parts of this chapter will work for you. If your mission is to take your lovemaking to another level, read on. We've talked about getting to know your sweetie spiritually, teasing and taunting his five senses, and making your surroundings as sensuous and intimate as possible. Connecting with your honey on a physical level can be an earth shattering experience. But before you lay between the sheets, I want you to read Denise's Ground Rules.

1. Always use protection! If you feel shy about broaching the subject of contraceptives with your partner, don't beat yourself up, a number of women are hesitant about being the first to initiate such a sensitive subject. But it's a very necessary discussion and having it is literally a matter of life and death. It really shouldn't take long. Just ask him, "Your condom or mine?" See four simple words that can save your life. You don't have to be so glib about it, but you get my point. No condom, no movement between the sheets.

2. Never, ever do anything that you're uncomfortable doing! If he wants to tie you to the bed and you're not having it, tell him. But do think about compromising. Maybe a silk scarf tied loosely around your wrists might do the job. Still shaking your head no? It's your body and he has to respect that. Does he want you to talk dirty and your mouth just can't form the words? Compromise. Think of a "clean" word with a similar meaning. If this doesn't appease him, it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. Remember that lovemaking should be a loving activity between two adults, if one isn't fully into it, there's going to be built up resentment over time.

3. Never compare him to any of your former lovers! The time that you spend together is your time, not Trevin's, Julian's, or Ahmad's. Forget about the first time when you and Julian made love and he sucked your toes until you almost cried like a baby. Scratch all memories of Ahmad's penchant for showering your body with kisses until you writhed in desire. If they were all that, you would still be with at least one of them. Drown in the bliss of your happiness with your current honey.

4. Feel comfortable with your body! Forget about those extra fifteen pounds that you have to lose. Forget about the stretch marks. Forget about the scars that are leftover from the time you had the chicken pox when you were six years old. Let go of all those insecurities. No one has the perfect body. Knowing that, love your body. One trick that I learned to help me feel comfortable with my body is to stand naked in front of a full-length mirror with all the lights on and just admire my body. Run your hands over your body and appreciate the smoothness and softness of it. Revel in the beauty of your womanly curves. Adore your body. It's yours. It's what God gave you.

See you next week.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love