Dating and Relationships - Atlanta Style

Come and enjoy a funny and thought provoking blog dealing with today's treacherous dating arena.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Five

Hi everybody.

Thanks for coming back. Let's jump right into it.

Please don't go out and get a full body make over. It's important that you improve on what you have and really emphasize the positive. Be a little vain. Spend some time looking in the mirror to determine what your assets are. This is no time to be shy. Do you get compliments from family, friends, and even strangers on your eyes, hair, lips, or big legs? Work those to your advantage. Accentuate the positives. We all aren't supermodels. By the way, have you ever seen any of them without any makeup? They'll be the first to tell you that they aren't perfect.

They have a whole team of experts working on them, hairstylists, makeup artists, and personal trainers. Create your own team of experts. Acquaint yourself with the makeup counter at a major department store. Not only will they give you a free make over, but they'll give you step-by-step instructions on how to put on the makeup. Want to begin an exercise regimen but don’t know where to start? You can muddle through the myriad of exercise videos out on the market today to find a video that fit your needs. If this is your first time using an exercise video, or doing any type of aerobic exercise, be sure to get one that caters to novices. Also, check with your doctor before starting any type of physical fitness plan. If you find one that piques your interest and you aren't quite sure if it's what you'll like, you can always rent it from a video store to preview. This will give you an opportunity to determine if you like the format, music, and the instructor.

The gym is another option. If you can't afford the initiation fee and monthly dues, ask them if they offer trial memberships. A number of gyms offer two to four week trial memberships to entice potential members to join. Use this opportunity to use the equipment and workout. After your trial membership is over, resume talks with the gym. They are always hungry for people to join. They may be able to set up a payment plan that works with your budget.

If joining a workout facility is still impossible, get your workout on by power walking. Walking is inexpensive, you only need to invest in a good pair of sneakers. Another benefit is that you can do it year round. When it’s inclement, head for shelter. Join the thousands of people who have taken up mall walking. Not only will you be getting yourself in shape, but you’ll be able to do some window shopping as well. Remember, there's really no excuse when it comes to not exercising.

Don't forget about your hands and feet. Can't afford a pedicure? They have so many affordable products on the market now that there is no excuse for anyone to walk around with ashy heels and tired looking toenails. Hook it up! Don't forget about the hands. Are your nails ragged as a result of your nail biting? Trim 'em and paint 'em. Polished and neat nails are sexy. And it's a small thing that tell people that you care about the way you look. Let your fingernail polish make a statement about who you are. If you work in corporate America, save the three-inch nails with the glitter for the weekends.

Remember that frilly frothy number that you wore the first time you knew you were about to get some? Is it hanging in the back of the closet on the floral padded hanger that it came on? Somewhere in between the first time you made love and now, the idea of dressing for bed got lost. It's a mistake that many women who are in relationships make, myself included. Give him something to look forward to when he comes to bed. Throw out those dingy white cotton bagging-in-the-butt-underwear. Save that oversize T-shirt for working in the garden. And trash that old tattered robe that you've been wearing since high school. Surprise him with some lingerie that screams: "Let me be your freak mamma tonight!"

If you feel sexy wearing a thong or g-string, do it! Flannel makes you feel like a woman? That's fine. Work it! Demi bras and panties made out of flannel are very popular and sexy as well. Still feeling a little uneasy about exposing too much? Maybe a silky chemise with a sheer wrap trimmed in black lace is more your style. It's modest and alluring at the same time. It'll show just enough to get him excited. The important thing is for you to pick whatever piece of lingerie that makes you feel good. Because if you're feeling good, it'll show when you're making love to your man.

Happy Holidays!

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Four

Mmmmm, we're on sensual seduction. I'm listening to KEM as I write this. He is sensuality personified.


The Sensual Seduction!

After years of peeing in front of your man, waking up next to him with crud in the corners of your eyes and the stank of morning breath fresh on your lips, you forget about seducing your honey. You know who you are. You stop doing the small things. You stop cooking special candlelight dinners. You stop wearing sexy lingerie to bed. You stop giving yourself manicures and pedicures. You stop going to the gym. In the back of your mind, and you know I'm right, the notion that you've got him now, and you don't have to work as hard to keep yourself looking nice, sits. This is wrong! Give yourself a slap on the wrist.

You might think this is superficial, but let's flip the script. Suppose your honey stopped doing all the things that attracted you to him in the first place? He stopped his weekly visits to his barber because he didn't want to pay the fifteen dollars that he was paying to keep his hair tight. His must do three times a week workouts at the gym dwindled down to once a month, causing his once buffed one hundred and eighty five pound muscular body to balloon into two hundred pounds of fat. And if the words low fat are uttered in his presence, he'd think you betrayed him. Love is a two-way street, it's up to both of you to make an effort to keep yourselves looking attractive. Make a promise to love yourself and love him by keeping yourself in the best shape possible.

Most of us have the full capacity of our five senses, sight, taste, smell, touch, and hearing. We take them for granted. Remember how as a toddler the most simplistic object kept us fascinated for hours? We were given these senses for a reason. A full seduction of the senses cannot occur unless all of the five senses are coddled, pampered, and catered to. Give him something wondrous to look at. Tantalize his taste buds with a scrumptious array of edibles.

Hypnotize him with your intoxicating perfume. Calm his beating heart with the soothing sounds of jazz. And tickle his libido with the sexy, sensuous feel of silk. Whether this is your first date or your thousandth, show him that you care about his happiness. Men are very visual. This bears repeating, men are VERY visual. Just the sight of a gorgeous lady can turn the most stoic man into a jabbering idiot. Men, like women, enjoy spending their time in the company of attractive people. I know this sounds shallow but it's the truth.

Think about your last visit to the gym. Two guys step to you for your number. The first one, let's call him Tom, is five eleven, the color of warmed syrup, buffed, and he has the cutest behind you've seen on a guy in a long time. Boyfriend gets your home, work, and pager number. Then there's Eddie, he's six one, and weighs close to three hundred pounds. You know this because you peeked at the scale when he stepped on. His eyes remind you of a heart-broken basset hound as you quickly mumble that you're seeing someone before you leave the brother standing in the middle of the room nursing his hurt ego. You discard Eddie’s feelings as quick as you would a used tampon, while you run off and fantasize about Tom calling you.

You're probably thinking that Big Ed may be a nice guy, and he may possess all the things that you're looking for in a man. That may be true. Let's be honest with one another, it's the physical appearance that initially attract people to each other. I know that you're shaking your head no and telling yourself that you'll never be that trifling. You’re not shallow. You’re human.

Happy Holidays!

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love

Friday, December 09, 2005

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Three

Welcome back!!! I'm still focusing on the Spiritual Seduction.

To read an excerpt from Bourgeois Blues, please visit


Praise the Lord! Throw your arms up and let His blessings rain on you. Bask in His loving-kindness. Share your feelings of tranquility and completeness that you get from praising God with your baby. You want to expose him to your love of God the right way. Take the time to scout out the perfect spot, away from the distractions of your daily life, where you can open your soul and share your beliefs with him. Call your auntie, your grandmother, your cousins, or your mother-in-law to get names of churches that you and your sweetie can visit. Spend Sundays visiting churches. Take your time finding a house of worship, it's a very personal decision. Pick the one that meets all your spiritual needs. Praise the Lord in public, announce your love and devotion to God to the world. Do it during the week and the weekends. Attend weekly bible study classes and services together.

Pick a grassy hill or a cool shaded area in the park and let nature serve as a lustrous backdrop. Nature isn't your thing? Grab some over-size pillows and form a nest in front of the fireplace. Get comfortable and read a favorite scripture out loud to him. Savor it together, let the power of his words envelop your bodies.

God is with us twenty-four-seven, so don't save your blessings until bedtime. Have daily conversations with Him. Thank Him for giving you the opportunity to open your eyes in the morning and close them at night. Thank Him for surrounding you with loving and forgiving family and friends. Honor your wondrous relationship with Him.

Sister-friend, throw your head back and conjure up a picture of your man. Let the image of the way his dimples deepen in his cheeks whenever he laughs, or the frown that mars his face whenever he's troubled, or the way he confidently struts into a room, waft through your head. Yes, that's your baby. That's the man who can turn you into his personal freak mama by the mere crook of his finger.

Find a cozy room in your home, that is bursting with positive vibes, where the two of you won't be disturbed for a couple of hours. Change into loose fitting clothing that will allow for smooth fluid movements. Light several candles and arrange them into a circle large enough for you two to sit in. Drape the room with jazz, new age, or gospel music. Sit facing each other in the middle of the ring of candles. Open your eyes, heart, and soul while you gently stroke your partner's body as you whisper what you love about him. Don't be timid. Feel the power of your loving words. Imagine them going to the core of his being. Give him a chance to reciprocate with compliments of his own. Embrace the love flowing in the room. Whew! I know, this is deep. Practice this regularly. Do it before you feel yourself drifting away from your baby. Use it as a relationship enriching experience, and not as a last ditch effort to save it.

Do you have a favorite book that makes you scream with laughter? Or one that makes you squirm with desire? Maybe you have one that is so thought-provoking that it keeps you up at night. Don't be greedy, let your baby in on your secret, share it with him. He'll feel special that you're sharing something as intimate as a favorite book with him. Spend an evening in front of the fireplace or outside under the stars on a warm summer's night reading out loud to each other. Sit back and enjoy the sound of each other's voice. Let it wash over you like a warm tropical breeze.Pen a poem in honor of your main squeeze. Don't worry about spelling, rhyming, or sounding ostentatious, just listen to your heart and the words will flow onto the page as if by magic. Praise him for being a strong Black man. Applaud his parenting skills.

Pay homage to the way he patiently listens to the children whenever they are distressed over a problem. Compose an unforgettable poem about the way his face softens with love whenever he talks about his mother. Tell him how he made you feel after he gave you your third orgasm. Love the way his skin looks and feels after a shower? Tell him. Show your silly side, make fun of the look of amazement he gets when Michael Jordan scores on his favorite basketball player. Keep the flame of spirituality burning with your sweetie by listening to your inner voice for guidance.

Happy Holidays!!!

See you all next week.

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love

Monday, December 05, 2005

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself) - Part Two

I hope you enjoyed part one. As promised, here is the next part in the series. To read an excerpt from Bourgeios Blues, please visit

No matter how low you feel, no matter how badly the world is treating you, no matter how powerless you feel at times, there is one thing that you have control over, your spiritual well-being.

I want you to celebrate your beauty as an African American lady. Praise the unique hued skin that you were blessed with. Love those lush lips and your curvaceous body. Celebrate your strength, tenacity, and optimism. I want you to do this every morning. Remember you have to love yourself before you can fully love anyone else. Self affirmations can take anywhere from one to five to fifteen minutes. The amount of time that is required isn't written in stone. Do it until the person in the mirror can confidently meet your eyes and your voice is strong, free from all doubts and uncertainties. Don't limit yourself to your bathroom or bedroom mirror.

Affirmations can also be done in your car on your way to work. You may garner some strange looks from other drivers, but who cares, you're nourishing your soul. Did a customer pluck your last nerve? Take a break during your workday and steal away to the bathroom, find an empty stall and quietly remind yourself that you're a patient person. Don't let that person disrupt your positive vibes.

If the morning and workday is too hurried to stop and take the time to nourish your soul, do them before you go to bed. In addition to wrapping your body with blankets, wrap yourself with words of empowerment, love, and admiration before your descent into sleep for the night. When you feel comfortable doing your self affirmations on your own, share them with your man.

Kick off your morning or if you prefer ease into the evening by enriching your and your man's soul. Not only will this deepen your love and commitment to one another, but it will create a cocoon of intimacy around you two that will prevent negativity from seeping in and destroying your spiritual well-being. Stand in front of a mirror with your honey's strong arms circling your waist. Look into each other's eyes while each one of you recite your self affirmations. Do this daily.

Hope you enjoyed. See you next week!

Desiree Day
Author of Crazy Love

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself)-Part One

A while ago I wrote a book called, Denise Daniel's Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself). It was supposed to serve as a complement to Bourgeois Blues. A number of people enjoyed it, so I decided to share it with everyone.

Every week, I'll provide you all with an excerpt from it. So sit back and enjoy.

At the beginning of a relationship, we're all dewy-eyed with lust. Passionate vows of everlasting love are made to each other. But over time, those ardent promises are forgotten, seductive glances are no longer exchanged, and long, lingering kisses are replaced with quick pecks on the cheek. Does this sound a little familiar? We all get into relationships and we tend to get comfortable with each other and we stop doing all the little things that we did to get him in the first place. I'm guilty of this as well. We forget how to date him, we forget how to seduce him, and we forget how to appreciate him.

Now whether he's your sweetie for life and the relationship needs rejuvenation, or he's someone you've just met and you see a possible future between the two of you, I can work with you. Remember these words: Maintaining and creating a healthy, trusting, and loving relationship doesn't mysteriously happen just because you love that person. It takes more than love. It takes a strong belief in God, understanding, patience, a willingness to accept change, and open communication between you and your love.

The next step is to take your relationship to another level. To strengthen your bond of love, to deepen your commitment to each other, and to enrich your cocoon of intimacy. It can all be achieved by the sexual seduction, the spiritual seduction, and the sensual seduction. We will explore each one in detail.

The title of this book is Denise Daniels' Guide to Pleasing Your Man (And Yourself). Don't ever forget who's important. You! It's a woman's nature to be nurturing and caring, but don't get so caught up pleasing someone that you neglect your well-being. If you find that happening, step back and re-prioritize your life. I don't want you to carry the responsibility of doing all the work in the relationship, it's a two-way street. Before you knock yourself out with doing all this, make sure that the brother is worthy of all this special attention. There's nothing more disheartening and discouraging than wasting your time and energy, and sometimes money, on a brother who doesn't deserve it. Choose your man carefully.

Read this guide with an open mind and heart. While reading through some parts of it, you may think, what a slut. Please don't, look at it as a woman who is taking control of her spiritual and physical happiness. So change into an over-sized T-shirt, unplug the phone, lock the doors, and grab your favorite drink. I'm going to give you some tips that will make your man feel like a king. An African king.

Spiritual Seduction!

Spiritual. Spiritual. Spiritual. A word that causes some people to shiver with anticipation, stomachs to knot in fear from the unknown, or some people to smile knowingly. I took a mini poll among my friends to get their definition of spiritual. To one girlfriend it meant religion, God in particular. One brother graced me with a cocked eyebrow and wanted to know when I started communicating with ghosts. And to let him know when I planned on talking with them again so that he can ask his cousin Tyrone where he left his ATM card. Okay? After him I wanted to give up, but I didn't. I asked a wise sister-friend. I sat in awe as her face shimmered with tranquility. She told me that spirituality is the love and honor you have for God and yourself. She went on to say that, making a spiritual connection with yourself can be a mind-blowing, wondrous, and cleansing experience. But making a spiritual connection with your partner is a million times better than any drug on the market. No synthetic concoction can replicate the power and strength from within. We are going to do some connecting. Let's embrace spirituality.

Desiree Day